Am I invited to your wedding? This question can make for a very awkward conversation and is something that as a bride and groom to-be you will be asked- probably more than once!
We have a few ideas to help you get around this...
Get them before they get you
One way of getting people to stop asking you this question is to tell them before they get the opportunity to ask. Send out engagement announcements and note that although you would like to invite everyone to the wedding you unfortunately won’t be able to. You can also invite those to the engagement party and make a bit of an announcement to that effect and hopefully when they don’t get their invite they won’t be surprised. You do need to make it clear in both of these instances as some people will think an engagement notice or invite to the engagement party means that they get automatic entry to the wedding also. Make it clear that you want to celebrate with everyone now as not everyone will be invited to the wedding.
Ceremony only- nothing to complain about
There are usually plenty of guests that you would like to be at your wedding but can't due to budget or venue restrictions. Maybe people like long-term friend’s parents, colleagues and bosses, extended family or new friendships. Sending invitations to the ceremony only is a great idea to keep them satisfied without having to invite and pay for their place at the reception. Really they can’t complain about that right?
Those that ask lots of questions about the wedding but don’t ask ‘the’ question
There are those people that are always asking you about your wedding plans, they may just be interested or like the subject and then there are those that are being subtle and really wanting to find out if they are invited. If they are not invited you can just say ‘yes it will be a great night’ or ‘thanks I’m really looking forward to seeing it all put together’ and just leave it hanging. They will (hopefully) get the message and leave it at that.
Involve in other events
Don’t be afraid to invite those not attending the wedding to other wedding-related events such as bridal showers and hen’s nights. Don't just invite anyone but if you want someone there then ask, they are more likely to want to celebrate with you on one event than none at all. If you avoid them and don't invite them thinking your sparing their feelings about the actual wedding they will probably end up feeling left out completely and on purpose. You do need to make it clear upon inviting that you would like to celebrate with them but you can’t fit them on the guest list to the wedding itself. Make a point to them that they should not feel like they need to bring a gift- they may feel ripped off running out and buying an expensive gift to your shower to find out once they got there that they’re not invited to the wedding.
If all else fails...
Tell them there are so many family members to invite that there is little room for all friends. If its family tell them that there is not enough room in the budget for all extended families. OR tell them the real reason (if those aren’t them) because it’s better to be honest.
Whatever you do don’t say ‘yes you’re invited’ to anyone unless you're 100% sure they will be, especially if it’s a long engagement. There’s nothing worse that someone saying “I’m going to invite you to my wedding’ and then not. You may think they forgot about it but I bet they wouldn’t have. Ouch! Also don’t hush the topic around them- be open, it’s not nice to feel like you’re being excluded, often it’s done to spare feelings but has the opposite effect.
A note for those on the other end who aren’t invited to a wedding…
If you’re not invited don’t take it personally, it’s probably to do with budget- they can’t invite everyone and if it is personal and you’re the odd one out remember that’s just one person’s opinion and it doesn’t indicate how everyone else feels about you. Don’t make it awkward, don’t complain just wish the bride and groom all the best and move on. If you feel put out by it- ask why? You have nothing to lose, but do it nicely.